I voted for someone that I knew would not win yesterday.  I was struck with feelings of beauty that I still have the freedom to vote as I wish; that there is more than one person on our presidential ticket is a freedom we can celebrate. I was struck with a bit of grief as I felt that no matter how this election ended up, I would not be met with someone who I felt I could trust with my liberty or my freedom. And I was struck with a bit of unknown, I wouldn’t classify it as fear but an understanding of sorts that neither of the big names had provided information that allowed me knowledge of a plan for moving forward.  

This morning, with the coming of the news and the proclamation of our new president, I felt some dismay and disappointment.  But what I didn’t feel was a bump in my hope, for even if my longshot candidate would have won, my hope would not have been any less as we can not allow our hope to rest in the hand of any man, and in that truth no man can take it from us, either.

We may be in more need as a country now than ever before, that is not mine to even ponder, for I do know that we have been in need before this morning and as a believer, my need is the very thing that welcomes me into His presence.  We are not of the world but we are in it and with that being said, if we are in fact in a dire place of destruction and cause for fear, as saved sinners we have but one choice and that choice is Jesus.  

If you feel marginalized, discriminated against, battered or abused: you have now and forever been offered the comfort of the throne through an invitation made by and through the blood of Christ.  In that, Jesus has bridged the gap between “you” and “me”.  That me and you may consist of two people from opposite sides of the political aisle, that me and you may be from opposite standings of privilege or ability, that me and you may have different skin color or background, that me and you may have a different experience of freedom, that me and you may have a different experience of trauma, that me and you may have different belief, even in God. And yet, my hope and what I believe is that is the only hope that we have to bind us together.  Jesus died for each and every one of us, and in doing so, through Him we too can bridge the gap.  When the you that is next me is suffering from fear, or actual repercussion due to the perceived power of others or the actual marginalization or discrimination or abuse or neglect that come with being sojourners here in this world; we can bridge the gap in reminding one another through love and deed, that we are citizens of heaven. To spread that hope from corner to corner, in your homes, in your jobs, within the church, but more than any of that, in your own heart.

This morning as I prayed and searched for Him, I was reminded of the scripture found in Romans 8:38-39 “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.  Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today or our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Within that provided hope and assurance we can approach the throne, place all that humbles us- our sin, our shame, our worry and doubt our fear and trepidation- and soak in the grace that was intended for us.  For it is His mercy that sees and knows, that welcomes and forgives, that comforts and provides.

We are no longer a you and me within Him rather through His blood we have become a we.  And that collective we was meant to act as family. As the family we can sit with one another and see  that we have fear, we have longings, we have wounds and pain. And in doing so, we can hold one another in hope for tomorrow that will be far greater than any of the transgression or weakness we will surely experience today.   

Our hope was not lost this morning with the coming of a new president for we already had a king.  A king that only brings hope and assuredness of more hope to come.  


In Christ alone my hope is found;

He is my light, my strength, my song;

This cornerstone, this solid ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My comforter, my all in all—

Here in the love of Christ I stand.


No guilt in life, no fear in death—

This is the pow’r of Christ in me;

From life’s first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home—

Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.


-In Christ Alone



It’s our Spokaniversary this week.  4 years ago we moved to Spokane, completely blinded by our good intentions and belief that we were following the will of God.  We had set out to do good things, make good choices and trust in what we thought was the Lord’s leading.  I do think the Lord led us to Spokane.  But the reasons we came have been disproved through the things He has done.  

I shudder to think that I hated this place, that I hated Spokane seems like a foreign and far off place that I am so glad He redeemed.  4 years ago we traveled here with hopes of a different future, for prosperity really, if we were being honest.  And how funny- that is what we did in fact receive, however, in His way and through His actual will.  I often describe our first year in Spokane as ‘a holy scraping’.  A year of removal of the dead and a replacement of what was living and true. A year of bringing darkness to light.  We moved here through the sanctions of a promotion, it came with money and position; title and honor, in a way.  And really none of that came.  I think we feel more broke now than we ever have, sure we have been provided for greatly but I feel like we look for more places to give it away than to benefit from it ourselves.  Yes, it came with a new position for Brian. But through that ,he has been provided with more reasons to lay the power this world offers to death and choose His identity in the One who knows his name and has marked his value.  And through that, I have experienced my own source of death.  I have been made aware of not only an invitation but a command, to remove my husband from the ranking of savior to that of a saved sinner who has been set aside for me to journey this place with.  

This time could be described as one of the greatest tragedies that our family has ever experienced but not in the way some would expect. It is a tragedy to realize that the life you had been living was a lie and a sham.  And that the one you had fooled the most was yourself.  We had all the resources of the kingdom at our fingertips but for more than a decade accepted only half of them, which really meant we accepted none of them.  These may seem like harsh words or a harsh description, there are some of you that will long to respond to this with the reassurance that we had done good before and that is true. But that is due to his mercy not our goodness; what flowed out was a grace that we did not in fact deserve and that is what remains even now.  However, the mercy is realized and the grace pulls us back to the throne as we no longer desire to do ‘good things’ as much as we long to do His things.  We no longer trust in the ability we have to be good but in our ability to be broken, trusting that He will supply what we need to be complete.  It’s no longer about what we do but who we are in Him.

Out of the last 4 years came death, but even more so, came life.  A life that includes an acknowledgement of our brokenness and a claim that speaks of our neverending need to be restored and redeemed.  Jesus has and will forever be our rescue. He paid our ransom on the cross and has left His Spirit to lead and to guide us into and towards the gates of heaven. Through that we can operate without a need for prosperity here on this earth, rather a prosperity that will be fully received when we reach what was intended for us all along….heaven.  He used Spokane to show us that.

Our home is not here, but here we will rest until He moves us onward or upward.

Ephesian 5:2;8 ESV - 2 “And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light…”

sharing my notes.

I plan on sharing my notes with you here once a week.  I think it is so important for us to get in the Word; to find the promise that keeps us moving forward, to find the truths that root our feet, and to remember that we serve (and are served by) a Father who is for us.  

Within the body of SOMA,  we look at Bible passages with four key questions-

Who Is God?

What Has He Done?

Who Am I?

What Is My Response?

I have found this to be such a fruitful way for me to journal and seek out the truths that are held for me within the Word.  Therefore, this is how I intend to share my notes with you here.

Right now, I am spending a concentrated amount of time in Hebrews in preparation of a new series I have entitled, Family Redeemer.  I thought it might be nice to have you join me in my study.

Hebrews 1:10-14 NLT

He also says to the Son,“In the beginning, Lord, you laid the foundation of the earth  and made the heavens with your hands. They will perish, but you remain forever.They will wear out like old clothing. You will fold them up like a cloak  and discard them like old clothing. But you are always the same;you will live forever.” And God never said to any of the angels,“Sit in the place of honor at my right hand until I humble your enemies,making them a footstool under your feet.” Therefore, angels are only servants—spirits sent to care for people who will inherit salvation.

Who is God?

Our foundation, maker of heaven and eternal, changeless

What has He done?

Created the world, given us firm foundation, provided us with stability and a hope

Who am I?


What is My Response?

To place Christ above all else, trust in who He is and what Has done, serve Him until the very end

Jesus is even above the angels.  I loved the emphasis of His placement and value and worth in these verses.  Only He can redeem, only He can make and create. These verses also gave me reference of my hope; so often we get caught up in the happenings and circumstances of our day to day, our hearts are fleeting and fickle as they move from one to the next.  But God our Father provided us with a foundation to stand on, in and of His very character that is not only eternal but changeless.  Christ was our change for the better, more than a servant, more than an angel; a Savior that is sovereign and sacrificial.  In Him we will find our past, present and our future, as all of the circumstances and happenings will be folded into the end of this world when He returns yet again.  The current state of heaven and this earth will change but He will remain the same.



Often times when people hear of my pain they want to know how they can fix it, how it can be stopped; what modes of medication or medical treatment I am using to aid in my comfort.  As of late this is met with looks of surprise or even bewilderment when I share that I am not currently doing any of the things that one would determine necessary.  I am taking a supplement and simply trying to stay warm in this season.  I am stretching and doing a bit of yoga and trying to make it to the gym when it seems like a good idea; often times it doesn’t seem like a good idea.


I found this “wanting to stop the pain” response to be a common one when we hear of others discomfort or suffering.  How can we help, how can we make it stop, what can we do? Let me stop and say that those aren’t bad responses and I think they are rooted in good things.  Could I challenge another thought though...could there possibly be a step in between pain and no pain?  Could the time of suffering be redeemed into a goodness of its own?  I am not a proponent of ‘God does everything for a reason’ or the dreaded ‘He only gives you what you can handle’.  But perhaps with a few word changes and perspective shifts, we could see it a bit differently.  Perhaps He only allows what He can handle?

These questions are not intended to minimize your pain or the chapter you are in nor the suffering you have or are currently experiencing.  Rather the opposite.  If we see our suffering as something He is attending to, as something He is holding, as something He sees and knows; we also can welcome the idea that we are not alone.  That what is meant for us is not a Pollyanna approach in welcoming or searching out a silver lining, but perhaps recognition and admittance that what you are experiencing is hard -and if you feel emboldened by the Spirit that lives within you- that it is undesirable.  He allows suffering but He does not desire it for us.  He can use it to teach us but that isn’t its purpose, as if you needed to feel pain in order to atone.  His heart is one that desires to take what wasn’t meant for you and redeem it to His likeness and for His purpose in you; to draw you in, to bring you closer and to return you into the right place of communion He desired for you from the beginning.  And through that recognition of His heart we are able to see that He also cries when we cry, His heart hurts for our hurt and our suffering is a source of His mourning.

We are told in scripture that the Spirit groans with us interceding on our behalf to the Father. According to Romans 8 (NLT), He is currently pleading for us in “harmony with God’s own will” and we have been welcomed into this through the blood of Christ.  All three parts of the Trinity, as one, working for and towards the restoration of your heart as you wait to be eternally rescued. Because you were chosen, not your pain.  And through your choosing, you were called in full knowledge of your creation and purpose.


And through Jesus nothing can ever separate you as it says in vs 38:  “neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”(NLT)


And in that, friend, we can even find safety and rest within our suffering.  Not in your ability to get used to it, to deal or to survive.  Not in or through your ability to change your attitude or believe better.  But through the precious blood of Christ.

There is no need to stop the pain. The comfort is found within the desires of His heart to be near to us.  To hear our voice and to collect our tears.  You were made for holy communion with Him.  Our identity is that of child and His is that of Father. And through that we will receive an inheritance that is incomparable to anything we have experienced here; with or without the suffering.  We can anticipate and long for heaven because that is what is waiting to be given, and with that will come our ultimate healing, our ultimate relief and our ultimate redemption.




my heart

My heart, my mission.  I have been asked where the fuel lies in all of this. If you know me well enough, you know that schedules and deadlines and long term planning and being tied down all really equal the death of me.  I like spontaneity. I thrive in the freedom of my day, asking God every morning what we should do.  And I love to just be in my house.  

There is one part of this that has remained.  I still wake up asking God what we should do every day.  It’s just these days it’s wrapped in the theme and mission of Restore.  

The heart for the mission of Restore is found in many places but there are a couple of passages in the Word where I think you could find some pretty significant definition, as well as propelling.  

In Isaiah 62, Isaiah is praying for Jerusalem.  In verse one, He says because He loves Zion he will not keep still, He will continue to pray for Jerusalem; he will not remain silent until her righteousness shines like the dawn and her salvation blazes like a burning torch. The wording here is mine, but the impact is evident regardless of translation.  Pretty passionate, right? A lot of drama and desperation to be found in those words.  I can relate with that feel.  As I write this next series and begin to focus on this next book, God continually shows me what I believe are the gates of heaven and all I want to do is sit in the doorway and welcome you all in.  As I write on Eden and the promises that are found within the themes of ransom, rescue and redemption, you can often catch me in the middle of the coffee shops I write in, weeping.  Not many people brave coming over to look at my mess of a face, but I get texts later saying, “I saw you at Indaba today, looked pretty intense.” “Saw you crying over your laptop today. Get it.” Let me just insert an invitation here- if you ever see me writing somewhere please come say hi….I can’t promise you won’t have to turn your face from the sight of my snot and tears but I can promise that I will happy to see your face! In the vision He has given me and the mission He’s welcomed me into, I can relate with the zeal that Isaiah had for Jerusalem. I don’t feel like there is even a choice remaining in my preaching, writing, or teaching. I know what He has for us and as I claim it for myself and pray for His return and the revealing of His glory, I plan on doing the same for each of you.  I will long for all of our restoration: the past, present and future hope we have.  This is my mission and my heart, all praise be to Him.

Sharing my notes.


I plan on sharing my notes with you here once a week.  I think it is so important for us to get in the Word; to find the promise that keeps us moving forward, to find the truths that root our feet, and to remember that we serve (and are served by) a Father who is for us.  

Within the body of SOMA,  we look at Bible passages with four key questions-

Who Is God?

What Has He Done?

Who Am I?

What Is My Response?

I have found this to be such a fruitful way for me to journal and seek out the truths that are held for me within the Word.  Therefore, this is how I intend to share my notes with you here.

Right now I am spending a concentrated amount of time in Hebrews in preparation of a new series I have entitled, Family Redeemer.  I thought it might be nice to have you join me in my study.

Hebrews 1:1-4


Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, 2 but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. 3 He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, 4 having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs.

Who Is God?

Jesus;greater than the angels, glory, eternal, ruler of the universe

What Has He Done?

created the universe, sustains everything through His mighty power, cleansed us from our sin, provided us with rescue through His Son Jesus, spoke to and through prophets

Who Am I?

Cleansed, planned for, ransomed

What Is My Response?


We simply get to sit at the foot of the throne of God and look up to see Him looking back at us, through the eyes of ultimate acceptance and desire.  But also through the sending of His Son Jesus we have been given complete view of Him; His character and His heart, as Jesus is God. Jesus is the light of God come to earth and then returned to heaven. His coming was our cleansing, our rescue and through that we can freely worship Him for He is good. His knowledge of what was and is to come is our comfort, He knows and sees all.



But God

Yesterday I had a conversation with my son in which I proclaimed that he couldn’t possibly know the good intentions someone had for him because he didn’t understand what was to come for him.  I was attempting to teach him that we never know what is around the corner, but God does.  He doesn't know what the next chapter will look like because he hasn’t been there, but others have and they want what is best, so what seems to him to be excessive, unneeded care or concern is actually rooted in the knowledge of  what is to come.  

As I laid down last night, I reflected on the place that those beliefs and truths were rooted for me.  I know so little and it is not a reflection of my brain capacity.  I know so little because I was made to be dependant on the knowledge and wisdom of the Father.  I was made to need guidance, and within the knowledge that I would never know what is to come in the next chapter or what would be around the next corner.  That kind of knowledge and insight belongs to the Lord alone.  And so within that belief, I am called to rest, I am called to pray, I am called to trust and I am called to be obedient in a patient yet active way.

This truth has been paramount for me in light of the election at hand.  As a young girl,in my senior year of high school I took a government class from an exemplary educator; a woman who was passionate about her country, civil action and duty as well as our need and right to be engaged within the process.  She taught us that at the very least we should remain educated on the matters at hand and to be active in expressing our opinions and desires to the people placed in power.  If you know me I am some version of “apolitical meets conservative meets liberal”. This is not a well represented party;) I do not get myself wrapped up in the likes of politics because although they govern this world, they don't govern my heart. One of the main teaching points this teacher had, and what I think was possibly all that was available at the time, was an encouragement to vote according to which candidate best represents me. In past voting seasons, I have been able to do this to a point somewhat successfully. However, not this time.  I have pondered this much in the last months, as there is not a candidate available that best represents me and at times this has made my heart sink a bit; I have felt a little bit of my belief in this country die. But perhaps the real thing that is happened is that my belief is found elsewhere and it should never have been found in this country in the first place.

We have one hope and one God.  His supply to us has been sufficient.  And although we live in a country that  needs for an earthly rule we must remember that it is a result of the sin we have committed and now will suffer. And through that knowledge we are not only called but freed to lean into our heavenly and ultimate ruler, pleading for remembrance in the cross that is and will continue to be the ultimate source of our hope and rescue.  We were not meant or created to serve more than one God and in that command we must remember that a president is merely an earthly consequence and must be treated as such.  As my teacher taught, we do have much duty to choose a president that best holds this country, but our greater duty lies in allowing one God to hold our hearts.  Neither presidential candidate will ever be able to do that and in that belief, they are even less able to hold your hope.  

I do not know what is to come, much as my son does not know what is to come for him.  But just as he has been surrounded by others to love and to guide him, so have I; so have we.  Our God in  heaven supplied us with a constant hope and a constant rescue and a constant source for redemption through the blood of His son, who not only died but rose again with a promise that He would return. Furthermore, knowing that we could not do anything apart from His presence, He left us with His Spirit to guide and love through the knowledge and wisdom of His very own heart and mind with the ultimate understanding of what was to come.  And in that truth I can rest.  Because these candidates are far from what we need but God remains, still. And He has been and forever will be, what we need.  So for now we wait, knowing we can endure all things because He has and He will and we are not alone.  



Hallelujah what a savior.




a letter for your chains

Dear Ladies-


I know some of you have probably felt your chains in the last days.  I’m sure they have been rattled for some of you and pulled for others.  I am sure some of you feel quite fine, you may have noticed a twinge of remembrance but were able to cling to the Father because you not only know you are safe but you believe that you are. I’m so glad for you! My heart rejoices for those of you that are finding peace and are resting in His arms, that is means for celebration.  But for those of you whose chains have been rattled and pulled, I want to speak over you a bit. I want to tell you, remind you, that your identity never has been and never will be worthy to pass through the lips of someone who would describe you as less than the daughter of God that you are.  Your physical, emotional or spiritual appearances and existence are not up for the grabs of others to pass off as social happening.  No one has ever or will ever, have the right to speak of you like an object for the benefit of their own entertainment.  You have once been freed through the blood of Christ and through the truth of your rescue and the hope provided through your restoration. God has invited you into intimate communion with Him. He sent His son to die for you so that, in these times, you could look forward in the hope of Him doing that once again, when He returns to restore the world.  And through that friends, you cannot be identified through the words and thoughts of others.


I have been the object of such conversations in this life, I have been catcalled and flirted with.  I have been referred to through a description of my looks, far past the boundaries of my red hair.  I have been abused in all ways and my body has been left for dead on more than one occasion, in more than one way.  So I can confess to you that when I heard of a man in a place of potential power, using terms that suggest that he not only has participated in these sorts of things let alone condones them, it rattled me.  His words quickly reminded me of the words and actions of others and I was quickly brought back to a place that required a rescue mission.  But friends the rescue was already provided and through my communion with Him, He has reminded me once again that the hurts I experienced are also hurts of His.  The chains I carry, He longs to not only hold but break.  That my shame was not meant for me and the actions of others are not mine to atone for.  But don’t let the failed attempt of an apology or perhaps the very absence of it be the creator of new shackles or the strengthener of those that exist.  You have one creator: your Father in heaven who looks at you through eyes that deemed you not only worthy but precious, who longs to heal you and has set you apart for more than what the world has decided you deserved.  You have only one redeemer and He longs to break those shackles, to remove them from your body and your heart and to replace them with the truths of freedom and hope.


I know that the things that have happened to you will remain in memory as long as you walk the ground of this earth that groans for Him.  I know you will have memories that will pop up at times that you did not expect and that you may feel a need to make them leave you, or you may feel like your knowledge and understanding of the Lord should make it so you are no longer weak to the hands of others.  You were meant for more.  Your need is not only welcome but required as you fall to His feet and ask Him to simply hold you.  Your story is not who you are but it is a part of you, and He longs to redeem it.  Eden is gone for now but it will come again, and in the meantime, while you wait, and while you long for Him know that through His Spirit He has left you with pieces of Eden to rest in.  Your ability to commune with Him, to confess and to repent, your knowledge of His heart and the sight of His hands are all things that were present in Eden and left for you to hold while you groan, while you cry, while you suffer.  But He has so much more for you dear ones, and it is coming.  Your fear for today is hope for tomorrow when placed in His hands.



You are loved, cared for, seen, known, rescued, worthy, heard, wanted, sought after, desired, fought for, free……

With much love in Him,