money and asking for it.

You may have noticed on the site that there is a link to an Indiegogo fundraising campaign.  I want to talk a little bit about it.  I want to share about its purpose and about my struggle with it.  

I grew up being taught that you don’t ask for money and you buy only what you can afford.  That means that you don’t have to ask if you are behaving within your means.  I respect this greatly as my parents have also taught me in my adult years that they are available to help us when we need it, because family takes care of each other. There is a balance, a kind and generous reality to our relationship; they would never allow us to go without something we needed.  

I am at a point of feeling as if my calling has brought me to a place that allows me, potentially has shown me, that I need to ask for money.  After a year and a half of obedience and work, I have been provided with a message that was meant to grow the kingdom; to encourage the hearts of the family and restore relationships with the One who came to save us and marked us as His own.  One my favorite parts of this story is that He has placed me within a reality that has allowed me to invest a countless amount of hours, without having to worry about how that would affect feeding my family or paying our bills.   God has met us with provision through Brian’s work that covers us in a way that allows us to experience much freedom. We also had previously made choices for our family far before the knowledge of Restore, that have served to allow the need for me to spend 30 hours a week on Restore to be a well working reality. I haven’t worried for a minute about being financially compensated through my work of Restore and that has been a gift that I haven’t taken for granted. In doing so, this also means much of the costs of Restore come out of our pockets, which has also been provided for and comes with willingness and understanding from all parties.  I have one of the most “for me” husbands on the planet. He has been so supportive in the form of funding of Restore; he sees and understands the calling, he sees the investment in the Gospel and the kingdom.  So we have moved forward in the knowledge that He has a plan for us and will continue to provide.

That all being said I recently finished our first book, Chains.  It is a compilation of the content we covered together in our first set of Restore Gatherings.  I wrote it as a testament.  I wrote it for the purpose of reference.  I wrote it to be able to share it with women outside of SOMA and outside of Spokane, more easily.  I wrote it with the likes and knowledge of you in mind.  Two weeks ago, when I finished the book, I had planned on hiring an editor to help me form a clean and clear copy, this entailed acquiring an editor and beginning the learning process of how to self publish.  During this time Brian asked me why I wasn’t submitting it to a publisher.  This is where I choose to be vulnerable and real, sharing a piece of my heart that I often confuse with being better left unseen.

The reason I shared with Brian, and am now sharing with you, is because I was afraid that it wasn’t good and in that fear I was attempting to limit the blessing and the provision I could receive.  I believed that I knew what God had planned and how much He was willing to bless me.   And all in all I was once again tempted to take responsibility for something that has never belonged to me.  God has been good to show me the way with Restore, to provide me with words and knowledge and insight that I did not deserve this whole time. It has not been a choice as much as my obedience has come with a requirement for my tethering to Jesus through this time, because my fear and what He was showing took more of Him than I even knew existed. And so with the confession came a step of faith to allow Him to show me what He might want. I submitted an excerpt to a few publishers and, I would like to say ‘waited’ for a response, but my doubt subdued the anticipation and I honestly didn’t think much of it.  But less than 48 hours later, I got a response. Not just any response, either, but an invitation to partner with a publisher in printing.  I was overwhelmed.  What an abundant God we serve!

With the invitation has come a cost. There are costs for copyrighting, licensing and line editing, as well as a cover, among other things.  And with that came a sinking knowledge that we could not take that money out of the mission of our home without a detriment to the blessing He has already provided.  Then I prayed. I asked others for wisdom, prayed some more and was reminded that God has allowed me to handle Restore within the knowledge that it doesn’t belong to me.  That from the beginning, I have wanted each of you to feel just as much ownership and connection with the community God has provided, through the truth and healing of His gospel and through that, we are family.  I also was reminded that the good of the message does not come from the parting of my lips but from the content of His heart. The Gospel has no ability to be anything but good, and that is what He has given me to share.

It was still a bit scary for me to make the fundraising campaign live on Monday.  I had a twinge of that familiar feeling that maybe I was asking for more than He wanted to provide, through asking you all to participate in helping this book reach the rest of the family.  But faith is sometimes all we have and sometimes we don’t even have that; He can handle it.  He can provide us with the faith we need through His truth, through His understanding of who we are and through the good news of His mercy and grace.  So I posted it….it’s out there, as of the day I write this we are 10% funded.  I have no doubt that He will provide what I need and I don’t need the book fully funded to prove that.  

I am not under the law and weight of the world. I am a part of a family that is much larger than I grew up knowing and in that, I am asking for more than your help. I am asking for you to join me in the furthering of the kingdom.  To join me in sharing the Gospel and the hope we have within it.  And to be involved in the mission of restoration, a plan He has had from the beginning.