I spent much of a day praying a bridge of a song, over and over in my heart in an attempt to believe the words as truth that was meant for me. The song speaks to freedom, surrounding and provision. We had sung them in our gathering the morning before and I was left shaking in the knowledge of my unbelief once again. Do I really live like I am free? Do I rest in the safety of my surrounding? Do I walk in the knowledge of my provision? The prayer that followed was for my heart to see His provision as the freedom for me to walk forward as if it was the parting of the sea. The week followed with much provision; I was met with blessing, I was met with answered prayers and I was met with affirmation. But what I realized this week is this: I was affirmed all along so what was the difference really? Through that my prayer changed, as the “sea parting” wasn't really the provision. The provision was made long ago when His Spirit took up residence in my very heart; when His breath replaced my own and I was given complete access to the throne, placed in the holiest of holy communion with the creator of my body and my world. My Jesus was the affirmation and His Spirit residing in me is my provision.
Ephesians 4:30 speaks of the Spirit. It speaks to our identity provided for by His residence within us; that we have been marked as His own, and a reminder to live out of that fact. That we have been marked with a guarantee of His desires for us. The Message words it a bit differently and speaks of this within the implications of communion- saying, "His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for Himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted."
I was challenged, comforted and convicted through these words this morning. I realized that my unbelief continues but His hope for me is evermore. Were the sea never parted and I continually blind to the blessing, He still lives within me and grants me continual access to His arms and His love. In that I am free to look for Him. I can not be lost, and neither can He. That within His provision in leaving me with His Spirit I am safe, not abandoned in my search or alone in my discernment. He is with me, ready to show me, and I am free to move. The knowledge of His provision is found in the belief of His existence and His plan for me. He came to ransom me through His blood, to rescue me through His sacrifice and redeem me through His return.